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Meds don’t mean you’re weak

November 24, 2017

The holidays get me everytime. When you find out your husband was having an 8 month long affair on Christmas day, it changes your outlook on the holidays.. The anxiety of everything finally took me down. Five years since all this happened and I finally had to admit I couldnt carry his burden alone anymore.. Say hi to the newest member of the Zoloft club.. I thought for the longest time that taking meds meant I was weak. That I was weak because I couldn’t pull myself out of bed on my own.. I was weak when I would be in the car with my family and this overwhelming feeling of “I wanna go home” would come over me and so we all went home and I would crawl into bed and sleep. I listened to a friend who was going thru some totally unrelated stuff and she got on meds. She told me how much better she felt and how things were soo horrible but now she can handle them. All I could think is “I want that! I wanna be happy and make it thru the day without craving the safety of my bed”. So, I went to the doctor. I got depression and anxiety meds, and sleeping pills.. We went to dinner with another friend from work after I started the meds. She asked my daughter who joined us (she’s 15 now.. shes watched me fall apart).. My friend asked her if she has noticed a difference in me and my daughter was happy when she said yesss! … And like that I hated myself for taking soo long to admit I needed help. That these feelings in me I couldnt control and that it was okay to ask for help and take the medications.

This time of year is the hardest for me. A struggle everyday to just to look at everyone else happy enjoying the holidays while I wonder if my husband is cheating on me-again. I feel better prepared though. Hell, I just feel better.

I thanked my friend for sharing her story with me about her stress and anxiety and how she felt before meds compared to after. If she hadn’t, I would still be suffering. It was suffering. If you’re stuck, ask for help. I waited too long and lost five years. I mean dont get me wrong I functioned, but no where I shouldve been.. Don’t think that becuase you make it to work that means you can handle it on your own. Don’t think because you drag yourself out of bed it means you got this.. Im on the meds, and I dont have to convince myself anymore to face the day.. Im ready when I wake. Im almost excited to see what we can do and even more excited when I make it thru a day without wanting my bedroom..

Cyber hugs to all of you. You’re not alone. Ask for help and get your life back

From → My New Forever

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