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Be Prepared for the new you

February 28, 2016

I think that no matter what side of the cheating spectrum you’re on, you come out different. If you’re the cheater, something inside you changed, is changing, or something happened and the vows suddenly meant nothing and the person you thought you were is gone, because, without a thought for your spouse or family you became selfish and different and once that bridge is crossed there is no turning back. 

When you are the one cheated on, you come out different. You go thru an emotional change, this kind of “look at yourself and who am I” kind of questioning burning your brain..Am I someone who can forgive and stay and love the person that shattered my family? Am I a bitter person who holds on to the anger? Am I able to see past the hurt and look toward the future? 

I noticed today my passion is gone. I dont go to him when he comes home. I font look at him if I dont have to. Hell, I barely talk to him unless we’re on the phone. I changed. Im not sure for the better. I know now I dont need him, and for awhile I thought that meant Im stronger but now maybe Im just bitter? I wont ever trust again.

Once this horrible common thing happens to you, you will change. Whether you want to or not. You will see things differently, you will feel things differently, you prioritize differently… 


From → My New Forever

  1. It certainly does change you, and as the betrayed spouse, not for the better. While we once believed our partner was our partner for life, we suddenly have the blinkers removed and we realise we could live without them, if we chose to. It’s a sobering thought. SWxo

    • I prefer the love is blind..I prefer ignorance is bliss.. I asked him a long time ago (sometime just after dday) why didnt he stop it, why didnt he stop it and spend the rest of life making it up to me and I never had to know. Ignorance could have been my bliss and he couldve been making up for something I never knew..

  2. I can say my husband changed, he’s lost his narcissistic streak and it’s a good change. And obviously I’ve changed, my heart is permanently damaged. But the OW – his or anyone’s- I don’t see them changing. That’s kind of the point. They are what they are.

  3. I have found that lack of passion – for anything, not just him – is a big part of my grief. He has changed in that he has lost confidence. A once brave man, not in an arsey way, he second guesses himself. I understand. I don’t like the way either of us has changed. But I do accept that we have. And I agree with Nephi, the OW hasn’t changed in the least.

    • I miss my passion for him. I feel like that was the greatest part of our marriage. At least thats whAt i thought.. guess he didnt..
      I find myself saying – whats the point?… a whole lot.. at work, at home… just whats the point…

      • Isn’t it awful? That ache. That grief. That gap. We were the same. He still feels it now and it is terrible. Kinda one-sided. How the hell did we end up here? Surely it is glaringly obvious that if you have an affair that the passion will be cooled? Surely? Apparently not. Apparently some dumbasses need to experience it first hand to get the message.

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