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Read this before you cheat. Because the ripple effect after, will last longer and go deeper than you could ever imagine. You dont get to lie to yourself and say no one will get hurt and the kids are young and wont understand..

February 6, 2016

I dont think there is full understanding of how infidelity can affect a person. The cheater and the person being cheated on.. and most of all the kids. My family was torn apart. My daughter is now thirteen and carries anger in her heart. I know this not because I am some bitter betrayed spouse, but because she has told me. I do my best to acknowledge her feelings and let her know thats ok. Its ok to still be angry. My son, my wonderfully tall 15 year old who yelled at his dad to stop being an asshole and just leave her(referring to me) alone.. And thats when my husband looked at me and asked if I was going to let him talk to him like that.. I told him thats not on me, thats on you, you dont want him to see you as an asshole then stop being one… My son hasnt had a girlfriend since all this started…
I remember before all this kissing my husband in the car and the kids laughing and saying eww.. I remember happy family outtings to the zoo and movies and talking in the car.I remember talking at dinner. I remember my daughter smiling ..
I dont think there is this full understanding of the ripple effect that occurs to so many people.

And the one thing that stands out the most-

The night I begged my parents to drop me off at home, I was in no mindset to drive, this was the day after dday.. I got out the truck and my dad got out with me. If you dont know my story, my mother cheated on him years ago, maybe going on 15 years now, and he stayed.. He told me- you know you dont have to do this.. It will never be the same…

And it hasnt. Everything is tainted. EVERYTHING..

I know the heartache my kids feel because thats what I felt when my parents went thru it and when we got married I told him he could never do that to me and to our family and he agreed and said he wouldnt and yet here we all are..

4 years later after dday and my kids associate Christmas with his affair. My daughter asked for a black Christmas tree this past Christmas, I obliged her with black wrapping paper instead. You have to remember he took her to meet his whore and my young beautiful daughter carried that weight for two weeks before it all came out, and now 4 years later it still pains her. I didnt drag my kids into this, he did.
I remember him saying I wasnt leaving the kids, I was leaving you. Really? How did you rationalize that when you werent going to be here tucking them in, eating dinner with us, waking up on holidays with us, going to school performances together, dropping then off at school,here to help with homework, and not being here in the middle of the night when one is sick cries for their dad…how did you rationalize that living with ur whore and her daughter was not leaving them?

Telling someone you love them is a huge thing. Making a family together is even bigger. These little people watching our every move with hope that love is real and the world might be ugly but in the end love is real and families can be happy and marriage is not a joke that can be undone by a divorce.

He took love away from them. I hated for so long after my mothers affair, I hated everyone. Boyfriends were just tools to buy me things. Dangling sex around as if I cared, but never fucked any of them. Just let them think there was chance and silly boys would buy me lunch and dinner and cd’s and gas for my car. Until I met the father of my son who was exactly what I thought love was- mean and abusive.. And I was okay with that until he was mean to my son, then I left…..But when I met my husband, the anger started to subside. He didnt buy ME things he bought my son things. He told me sweet things and I wondered if maybe this was love. sweet and gentle and caring. This wasnt sex it was making love. He let me feel loved and vulnerable and happy.

And in an instant, in an email from his whore, he reminded me that love is not real. He ripped us all apart. And now acts like this is where he wants to be.

If youre thinking about cheating…Ask yourself if youre willing to rip your family apart to finally decide if you really want them.Why do you have to shatter your spouse to finally say yes I want to be here? He killed me, and now says hes sorry and wants me. Why did it taking tearing his family apart to decide he wanted us afterall?

From → My New Forever

  1. Every bit of what you say is exactly the truth. I am sending this to my ex to read.

    I don’t know if it was his leaving that has changed every aspect of HIS life to him being the biggest jerk (I know things about his behaviour now that he has no idea I know but things are not okay in his life post affair–he’s still with his whore) or if it took the jerk in his personality to come out and rule his life that started the affair in the first place.

    Either way, life is not so good for him on the other side. I wonder if he has huge regrets. He is way too prideful and arrogant to admit that though.

    • I think affairs thrive and feel good because life isnt happening. There are no talks of bills and whos picking the kids up. Theres no talk about anything real in life, or how to ground the teenager. Theres this second life with no responsibility and no guilt just pleasure whether it be thru sex or emotional with someone saying all the right things. There are no consequences to any of the actions. And then, when they leave, and stay with the whore, they maybe realize then that its the same. The bills, the kids, money issues, NOTHING was ever acutally better with the whore but instead this facade they created to make themself feel good. A high that will eventually be unable to be replicated. And maybe then and only then will they be able to understand that they had love a wife and a family and that all occured was they broke that and lost it. The shame and guiltmust be unbearable for anyone with a conscience.

  2. cheaterfantasy permalink

    I went through a phase where I really wanted H to go and live with the woman that he had been having an affair with for 8 years. It was maybe in a way to punish him or maybe to see if he really did love her. I am not sure but he never did. He dropped her like a cow poo. She of course has lost her best friend but she has never been mean or cruel to either of us.
    I wanted him to go and live with her in her very ugly town house with her ugly floral lounge suite and the 1970s ugly pine wood bedroom suite. No pets, no garden, she did not cook, she has no children, she has few friends and she is really dumb. Lives in a lower socio eco suburb, near a train line in a complex of hundreds to town houses all looking the same. I know she is dumb because she has written to me. She is also drinking a lot and sent us drunken texts that made no sense. She suggested all sorts of stupid things. ….she was willing to share him with me……bhahahaha. So he must have known somewhere in his deep dumbness that all she was really good for was sex and he was her knight in shining armour as apparently he really helped her out with some difficult times in her life and she regarded him as a most amazing and intelligent man. Of course he would have loved that. He wanted to feel smart and have his ego fed. What man would knock that back. What man would knock back the fact that she approached him and told him how clever he must be the first time she sat down at his table for coffee.
    My kids are much older but still have been greatly affected by his life of lies. On the one hand he tells them all these years to never lie then it is found out he is the biggest liar and deceiver of all time.
    Their relationship with him will never be the same but at least they have a very good understanding of what impact infidelity has on a family.

  3. I’m so sorry for your precious children. What a burden to carry! And just as they are learning what love and marriage means. I hope it doesn’t keep them from being open to love; cautious yes, but not closed off.

  4. I also think the lower socioeconomic ow is a real ego boost. She thought he was a world dominating business tycoon, and he got to pretend he was. She thought she could step in and have what we had earned and built together, he got off on her wanting what “we” had. He could only be better when he was with her – but only to each other. Real life is such a cock block.

    My kids have the repercussion of the betrayal of my mil, who didn’t want us to stay married. They met the m/cow as well, but as a co worker. So 2 yrs out from dday, 3 ;from the affair and the pain still ripples. And the loss of respect, oh my.

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