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Feeling like a failure

February 5, 2016

Feeling really bummed lately. These passed few days have really hurt. Am I depressed? Im going to work, I smile while Im there. But maybe thats all fake. I feel like an alternate universe. I get home and I dont want to do anything. I want to be alone. This episode just feels worse than usual. I can usually get outta my head, but its more difficult this time..

I think work was my solace but with recent high stress at work Im not able to live like Im not broken. Feeling like a failure..

From → My New Forever

4 Comments
  1. I’ve been there. You’re not alone.

  2. Sadly the roller coaster that is infidelity 😩 Bastards!!

    • I just really hate that it still affects me. I feel like its been forever ago but at the same time like it was last month. At least it doesnt feel like yesterday anymore.

  3. You could very well be depressed and it might be beneficial and important to talk to your doctor. I am not any antidepressants as to me it was more important to be able to feel. It sounds like you are coping and able to go to work and care for your children. The hurt is very real, deep, and lasting. You had your entire life torn away from you and the grieving process can be long as you go through all the stages.

    Your smiles may be fake at times but I bet when you are in the moment there are genuine feelings you can experience of enjoyment, friendship, peace, kindness, silliness, love, etc. It is important to recognize those and try to stay in the moment as much as you can. Those experiences are more real than living in the memories of the past or trying to imagine what your future will now be and what it wont be. Living in your head and letting your mind ruminate can be the most depressing place to live.

    For me, it is very hard to swallow, that one person, the one who said he would love me until death, is the person who betrayed me and took away everything that I loved. The fact that it was him who devastated me financially and tore apart his children’s family and their lives and my life on every level is the most painful experience ever because it was in his control. It was his choice.

    The fact that The Other Woman, Janice Andrews, who is the most selfish and cruel stranger in my life, expects to have a relationship with my children and thinks they should want to go to her place for dinner and hang out with her with their dad and go on vacations with her while she spends our family money makes me wish every evil in the world on her.

    And while I have those thoughts floating around constantly, I look for the good in me, the good in others and the good in my day and know I deserve to have good in my life. So do you!!!!!!!!!

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